Thread

1. samiv · 1790842889 · focus · HN ↗

   All dating apps are misclassified. They should be under contraceptives.

   The same problem on every platform. 80% men and few women who get so picky that most men will never reach their standards.

   I fear for most young men dating is over. And I fear what will happen when societies have large swathes of men with no connection to society, no jobs, no friends, no wives, no families.

   1. stymaar · 1790843139 · focus · HN ↗

      It's not rosy on the other side, dating apps sucks for women too.

      The key problem is that dating apps have no interest in their user finding a long term partner (and leaving the app), they are maximizing engagement, making male pay, make sure people have enough matches to keep their ego afloat and make them addicted to the app, but at no point a stable relationship is a desired outcome for Match group (yeah, because despite having many apps, most of them belong to the same corporation).

      The world would be a much happier place if dating apps took success fees instead of a monthly subscription (good luck making that work as a business though).

      1. samiv · 1790843342 · focus · HN ↗

         That's of course true. The dating apps goal is to make money. People who actually meet and have dates night leave the platform and no longer pay.

         That being said the women's problem is the overabundance of availability of men whereas the men's problem is that they get nothing. So women at least CAN go out on dates if they just choose to.

         1. tirant · 1790848649 · focus · HN ↗

            It’s only a problem if those women don’t settle for the men they date. If they would, the balance would always be restored:

            Top 20% of men settle with 20% of women. A new top of men takes over replacing the old one.

            The main issue is that relationships don’t last. And that has to with the 20% of men not wanting to settle as they have free and abundant access to sex, which has been historically the primary reason for men to settle.

            On top of that men are at their prime way longer than women: easily between 25 and 45. Women lose perceived value as sexual partners after 30/35 by many men.

            1. stymaar · 1790851286 · focus · HN ↗

               Pretty sad to read incel narrative on HN…

               As I said before, the problem is as bad for women as for men, it's just different: women keep getting matched with men that won't form stable relationships, because the app doesn't want to give a relationship to women either (even if they often don't have to pay, and as such are not income stream for the app, they are the product being sold so the app need them to stick as long as possible).

               There's no objective “Top 20% of men”, but there is indeed a small group of men that is being pushed down every women's throat on apps because they are the easy going one that will not threaten the app's business by entering a long term relationship.

               1. samiv · 1790888123 · focus · HN ↗

                  I bet any woman could just scroll down the list of their matches or make a new match with the guy who is not the best looking player guy and immediately have a chat a date lined up.

                  You know one the nice guys who are always other wise ignored.

      2. Slippery_John · 1790845862 · focus · HN ↗

         Human matchmakers do take success fees sometimes and the business as a whole is widespread and successful. Those services can get expensive though, even at the low end. I would guess that the vast majority of dating app users would not be willing to drop thousands on matchmaking services.
      3. cedws · 1790846970 · focus · HN ↗

         Women can at least get something, which is a huge economic advantage these days in Western countries. They can split the bills, save more, use a relationship they aren’t happy in to leapfrog to a better one.
   2. siva7 · 1790850831 · focus · HN ↗

      So get out and talk to the lady at the bar? Didn't work out either for you? The problem isn't about too many man on dating apps.. it's about men believing society owns them a woman.

      1. MisterMunchkin · 1790852116 · focus · HN ↗

         Nobody goes to bars and approaching women in public has been labelled creepy behaviour.

         I’m so glad I’m not single. It’s worse than the job market.

         1. ryukoposting · 1790866743 · focus · HN ↗

            > Nobody goes to bars

            Where do you live? Because I've never, ever lived anywhere that this was true. I go to bars. They're always busy, unless it's a shit bar on a Tuesday night or whatever.

   3. ragazzina · 1790852275 · focus · HN ↗

      Do you fear that for most young women dating is over? Because one can't happen without the other.

      1. [deleted] · 1790856503 · focus · HN ↗

         [deleted]

      2. mrguyorama · 1790892742 · focus · HN ↗

         Young single women do not have the geopolitical consequences that young single men do, for reasons that I cannot pretend to know.

         1. sire-vc · 1790944262 · focus · HN ↗

            Men are evolutionary wired to seek money and status. When they find ordinary routes to these blocked, they discover that violence is a shortcut. That this is the same the world over across every income and culture indicates an underlying equilibrium rather than a specific case.

            1. ragazzina · 1790952000 · focus · HN ↗

               > Men are evolutionary wired to seek money and status.

               This sounds really interesting, do you have any studies to link?

   4. tdb7893 · 1790857565 · focus · HN ↗

      I'm always surprised to hear online that it's so bleak. I know a very wide variety of men in real life who have eventually found someone just fine on dating apps (the people I know who haven't are mostly places with a small dating pool or there's a particular reason women don't like them when they get to know them).

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