Thread

1. purplepatrick · 1790817358 · focus · HN ↗

   Cute. Of course, beyond basic deal breakers, neither do people know their preferences (but they think they do), nor do the majority of preference categories actually matter.

   This is a common problem with all dating apps. Specifically, interests, hobbies, daily routines, objectives, etc. have nothing to do with compatibility.

   “We like the same things!” is the compatibility signal of a naive 22-yr old…

   1. rTX5CMRXIfFG · 1790829601 · focus · HN ↗

      Isn’t it the other way around, ie that you might be compatible with just anyone is more likely to be the idea of a naive 22-year old?

      As you grow older you’re going to have your own values, boundaries, non-negotiables. Thinking that you can just jump into dating and “open-mind” the singles scene is a huge sign of someone who hasn’t fully developed their sense of self just yet.

      1. aprilthird2021 · 1790831398 · focus · HN ↗

         Wrong, a relationship that will last over time has to presume those values and boundaries will change. What is non-negotiable for a 20 year old is almost always not the same for the same person at 30 and then 40 and on and on.

         Sure there may be some things that don't change (religious preference, etc.) but they are fewer than most people think. And like OP said, compatibility is often not a checklist or algorithm to maximize

         1. rTX5CMRXIfFG · 1790839743 · focus · HN ↗

            Huh? Why wouldn’t you want to maximize compatibility considering how expensive divorces can be, both financially and mentally?

            Humans, no matter how unique and self-important they might be, can certainly be broken down into personality traits to come up with a model that projects the likelihood of a lasting marriage. It likely won’t be perfect or precise, but it can be done, so I’m not sure what your point even is. As people age, it’s just the fleeting expressions of themselves that whither away, but they have a core personality founded on their values and goals, which stand the test of time. That’s not the sort of thing that you can just mix with someone else who has a different set of values and goals.

            1. nottorp · 1790846902 · focus · HN ↗

               They probably can't, because there are a lot of cultural/financial factors as well. Pure personality compatibility isn't the only factor.
      2. crabbone · 1790870819 · focus · HN ↗

         Not in my experience. If anything, I don't see much or any difference between 50 and 30 y.o. profiles on dating sites (I haven't looked at anyone younger or older than that).

         No matter how old, most people have zero introspection or analytical ability, and even if they do, they would not put it on display because that would put them in the "weird" category.

         A typical women's profile will differ by country though. This is how most of this stuff looks:

         * South-East Asia: women describe themselves as "simple", "down to earth", "family oriented".

         * English-speaking Africa: "god-fearing", "faithful".

         * Western Europe: "like to travel", "love animals", "live off the land".

         Sometimes with a mix of trivia, like whether they are divorced, how many children, smoking cigarettes.

         I don't really know what makes people match, but if I have to guess, people go by non-verbal cues they find the the pictures. People reveal a lot about themselves in they way they dress, where and how they take the pictures.

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