Middle aged European here. I still regularly go to parties (dinner and otherwise) and I notice that there are two kinds of people: people who throw parties, and people who don't. This sounds like a truism, but what I mean is: there are people who regularly throw a party and people who never do it.
I am solidly in the first category. I throw dinner parties, birthday parties, drinking parties, dance parties, midsummer parties, midwinter parties, game parties, etc. Yes, it costs time and money and is a lot of work. But what people (probably the ones that never bother) tend to forget is how unbelievably gratifying it is to get a bunch of people together, to feed them and to make them talk, laugh, dance, etc. Afterwards you are tired but also grateful and socially energized in a way that feels fundamental to my existence.
It varies a lot depending on people and personality type. What's energizing to you is very exhausting and unfun to others. Extraversion / introversion basically. I don't like having many people over. 3 or 4 people who I know well is optimal for me.
Making a large party could be "type 2 fun" sometimes, ie exhausting and not very fun at the time, but satisfying to look back on as a kind of hard challenge I managed to accomplish, like climbing a cold mountain or so. But few are enough of those.
I wonder if the cultural existence of the 'introvert vs extrovert' idea has reinforced this to a degree. I'm too young to know, but I doubt this was a discussion in the 80s. I'm also not too sure it's a good thing. I've seen introversion used as an excuse to hermit; extroversion as the sole reason to use drugs.
We put limits on ourselves psychologically in all sorts of ways, and we follow the ones we believe. There's a study that showed people who believe willpower is finite have finite willpower. I thought "well obviously, if you had finite willpower you'd know because you'd run out". Maybe we do just think too much?
If I don't feel like running and I go running, about two thirds of the time I feel like running after a few K. It's the same socially. The goal of introspection shouldn't be to freeze in a minute now.
I think it's less the "introvert vs extrovert" but social media back/white simplification of it, so called Instagram psychology.
People inherently want an "oracle" that knows them (better than themselves) that can come and tell them how to act and how to be. So when fads such ad MBTI come and tell you "you're introvert" many just accept it rather than critically examine it.
I know one many that became just that. Shitty online test told them who they are, accepted it and stopped socializing all together. Just to realize later on, that it's not that simple (after all, they're socializing with me). Years go and they just realize that they have a preferred form of socializing and they're not introverts, they're in-between...
Maybe before, there wasn't any authorative voice telling you that you're introvert / extrovert and you had to go and figure it out yourself, and in the process many realizes that they prefer certain form of socializing. (party, big group, small group, without booze, deep talk/small talk, sport or activity together, talk is the focus etc etc)
If you're primed(falsely diagnosed) from the start that "you just don't like socializing" then you're going in with the wrong mindset, and it will affect the outcome (in a self-serving way)
I am reminded of the quote from the movie big short [1]
"People want an authority to tell them how to value things, but they choose this authority not based on facts or results. They choose it because it seems authoritative and familiar."
kieckerjan · · focus · HN ↗
I am solidly in the first category. I throw dinner parties, birthday parties, drinking parties, dance parties, midsummer parties, midwinter parties, game parties, etc. Yes, it costs time and money and is a lot of work. But what people (probably the ones that never bother) tend to forget is how unbelievably gratifying it is to get a bunch of people together, to feed them and to make them talk, laugh, dance, etc. Afterwards you are tired but also grateful and socially energized in a way that feels fundamental to my existence.
bonoboTP · · focus · HN ↗
Making a large party could be "type 2 fun" sometimes, ie exhausting and not very fun at the time, but satisfying to look back on as a kind of hard challenge I managed to accomplish, like climbing a cold mountain or so. But few are enough of those.
ddek · · focus · HN ↗
We put limits on ourselves psychologically in all sorts of ways, and we follow the ones we believe. There's a study that showed people who believe willpower is finite have finite willpower. I thought "well obviously, if you had finite willpower you'd know because you'd run out". Maybe we do just think too much?
If I don't feel like running and I go running, about two thirds of the time I feel like running after a few K. It's the same socially. The goal of introspection shouldn't be to freeze in a minute now.
NalNezumi · · focus · HN ↗
People inherently want an "oracle" that knows them (better than themselves) that can come and tell them how to act and how to be. So when fads such ad MBTI come and tell you "you're introvert" many just accept it rather than critically examine it.
I know one many that became just that. Shitty online test told them who they are, accepted it and stopped socializing all together. Just to realize later on, that it's not that simple (after all, they're socializing with me). Years go and they just realize that they have a preferred form of socializing and they're not introverts, they're in-between...
Maybe before, there wasn't any authorative voice telling you that you're introvert / extrovert and you had to go and figure it out yourself, and in the process many realizes that they prefer certain form of socializing. (party, big group, small group, without booze, deep talk/small talk, sport or activity together, talk is the focus etc etc) If you're primed(falsely diagnosed) from the start that "you just don't like socializing" then you're going in with the wrong mindset, and it will affect the outcome (in a self-serving way)
I am reminded of the quote from the movie big short [1]
"People want an authority to tell them how to value things, but they choose this authority not based on facts or results. They choose it because it seems authoritative and familiar."
[1] <a href="https://youtu.be/YaD8CTBBZd4" rel="nofollow">https://youtu.be/YaD8CTBBZd4