Swede here, I used to host a lot of dinners and parties.
But then i realized that it was mostly me who hosted them and the few times i got invited there was an agreement that guest chip in on the costs or that it was a potluck kind of thing.
Made me regret spending all that time and money on the parties i hosted.
Sounds unfortunate but I don't think there's anything to regret, you spent time and money no one else was spending but you still (hopefully) created positive experiences in return.
What do you regret exactly? I have found that friendships are rarely balanced in that sense. Sometimes you spend more (effort, worry, money) but it's also for your own benefit.
The neoliberal transactional lifestyle of compartmentalizing everything from work to emotions to social relationships combined with endless entertainment in your pocket makes the social event feel like a drag that you need to get though for the sakes of socializing.
> Freeloaders. It tells you something about the relationships that those "friends" choose to build.
What a wonderfully American comment..... the very idea that somebody is financially benefiting who dosn't 'deserve' it is an athema to your society.
Maybe OP's friends simply had less money (the horror!)? Or perhaps they had more children, so less time to cook and less time to spend with friends?
Not everything in life is zero-sum monney game. After all, have you ever wondered why children climb trees?
Indeed. The way it worked for me if its at home, I am fine with cost of grocery and some drinks, it wasn't that much for me and cooking is fun. On the other hand if party is in restaurant / bar I bailed because cost is too much whether its each paid for their food and drinks or total cost divided by number of people.
It is not about money it about that you start to feel like they take you for granted when every time we did plan a party or dinner, me hosting it was always the best or only option according to the group. If it was a few times then it would not be an issue but systematically it always being me hosting takes the fun away.
I now have an other friend group and I have gotten tired with cooking for a x-amount of people.
blodkorv · · focus · HN ↗
But then i realized that it was mostly me who hosted them and the few times i got invited there was an agreement that guest chip in on the costs or that it was a potluck kind of thing.
Made me regret spending all that time and money on the parties i hosted.
dumberquestions · · focus · HN ↗
ricardobeat · · focus · HN ↗
augment_me · · focus · HN ↗
blodkorv · · focus · HN ↗
davsti4 · · focus · HN ↗
If the only friends you have are those you have to pay, when the money's gone, are they likely to stick around? (Likely not)
But if they do, then maybe you've found a true friendship.
GJim · · focus · HN ↗
What a wonderfully American comment..... the very idea that somebody is financially benefiting who dosn't 'deserve' it is an athema to your society.
Maybe OP's friends simply had less money (the horror!)? Or perhaps they had more children, so less time to cook and less time to spend with friends?
Not everything in life is zero-sum monney game. After all, have you ever wondered why children climb trees?
geodel · · focus · HN ↗
blodkorv · · focus · HN ↗
I now have an other friend group and I have gotten tired with cooking for a x-amount of people.
trgn · · focus · HN ↗