Thread

1. throw931666666 · 1790344915 · focus · HN ↗

   Sorry for writing from a throwaway account because there's still a lot of stigma to this, while I think it's a pretty average experience.

   I had sex therapy to be able to understand where my fantasy ends, and where the real world starts, and how people in the real world aren't there to play the roles my fantasies give them.

   It sounds obvious when I say it like this but there are many men like me, who didn't grow up emotionally, and having difficulty accepting the agency of others. Women had to be interested in me so that I could feel validated. I also had never stopped and asked myself "does she really want this or am I trying to manipulate her?".

   You also see the same pattern with men who think it's their right to find a female partner and they feel wronged by the society when this doesn't automatically happen.

   Try getting some help, fellow men. It takes a lot of weight from your shoulders and you become much less likely to end up getting on such lists.

   1. eklavya · 1790345483 · focus · HN ↗

      WTF, I find it hard to believe that during a sexual assault, the perpetrator doesn't know what they are doing. WTF is this?

      1. scarecrowbob · 1790347069 · focus · HN ↗

         Well, you might want to revisit your beliefs on how folks' in the US experience their world.

         There is certainly no excuse for bad behavior, and it is certainly the case that for many folks they absolutely know what they are doing.

         If your point is that people are culpable for their bad behavior regardless of their claims about knowledge, then I agree.

         At the same time most of the culture that raised me runs on people denying to themselves what they are doing, ranging from highly individualistic sublimations of the "fundamental attribution error" to renouncing culpability for their direct work at building the torment nexus.

         The entirety of the mode of production here relies on ignoring how we exploit the people around us in almost every exchange so it's not at all surprising to me that, looking towards the OP, men in this culture commonly are able to hide their bad behaviors in layers of fantasy so deep that they aren't able to consciously understand how they are treating their lovers.

         I don't know your context here, but if that kind of self-deception is news to you you might want to review the behavior of the people you're around (or your own), because either your threshold for bad behavior or your perceptions of peoples' capacity for self-delusion is perhaps a little low.

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